I am not a fan of soap operas so this post is not about this actor, Nick Santino, but about the sadness of his choice to commit suicide after putting his dog down. Apparently, there were complaints about the dog’s barking and my guess is the threats were coming because the dog is a Pit Bull. Nick chose to put his dog down and could not handle the grief that followed. Anyone who has assisted their pet in this process, knows the pain can seem unbearable. My heart goes out to Nick, family, and friends.
Most of us know about The Rainbow Bridge. That sweet, grass-fielded, under-the-rainbow, land our pets are playfully waiting to greet us some day. I have read it many times, and find it sweet – but not so comforting. My beautiful, mama’s boy, Mac left the earth last week very unexpectedly.
Some have said, “he’s waiting at the bridge with Chapin, Olive, Schlappie”, and many others. I don’t want him there, I want him here. We try to comfort and understand one another with well-intended words, “he’s in a better place.” WHAT?!?!?! A better place? I don’t think there’s a better place than here with his family living well beyond his 2.5 years of life.
I know it’s not meant to be literal, and if they are suffering, when it’s right, we need to release them to that “better place.” However, I have learned a lot through all of this about how we deal with death. Not from the spiritual aspect but from the still-on-the-earth aspect. Not so good. Others want you to move on and say you’re ok, because then it’s not so uncomfortable. Guilty? Guilty.
So, if you know me and see me, ask about Mac. We don’t need to talk about how he died or try to figure out why. Let’s talk about what I loved about him. I love to talk about him even if it brings a tear to my eye. I don’t choose to see Mac doing his goofy four-legged frolic in some never-never-land, he’s just in the “other room.” A good friend sent me this (thanks, Susan). For now, it works for me. Perhaps, it will work for you.
The death panel for humans never existed. The death panel for dogs has always existed. I wish more people shared that level of shock and horror for the euthanasia of dogs. Most of the dogs aren’t old, sick, or even given a chance. The only up side is they are spared a possible life of abuse. (Not much of an up)
Maybe you aren’t an “animal person.” This isn’t about animals. It’s about what we humans tolerate, create and allow. Awareness is for everyone. Once you are aware, it’s up to you to assist in educating and (nicely) informing others. I don’t have children, but I do everything I can to support and promote the welfare of children.
This video is tough to watch, and you may think you don’t need to see it to get it. Watch it. I think if more people had to assist in this process for the dogs they surrender or dispose of, they might think of things differently. A girl can dream…
In the 80’s there were some major changes in the thought on how to best raise children. In order to not hurt their spirit and to give them a little personal power, kids were given choices. A lot of choices. Oatmeal or dry cereal or maybe just some fruit? Tennis shoes, sandals, and which color would you like?
Giving kids choices is a good idea when they are of age to comprehend choice and consequence. Until then, the parent may do well to provide guidance and keep the peace by not giving a child so many choices they never get out the door on time.
I am mentioning this because I am finding a lot of this type of four-legged parenting. I hear things like, “my dog doesn’t like being on a leash.” “They are depressed when in their crate.” My dog doesn’t want to poop outside.” As a trainer who wants the best for you and your canine relationship, I have to say something. . . they don’t get a choice!
You are their provider and you are showing them moment by moment what life is like when they live with you. Not the other way around. When someone tells me they haven’t trained their dog, I remind them they have. The question is what have they trained them? Puppy training begins the second they come through your door. A dog can quickly adopt the idea that you have joined their family and they set the rules.
You can do more damage to their psyche by not being a consistent leader (or parent if that fits you better.) They don’t need a lot of choices in order to love and respect us.
Our culture is not very comfortable with death. While that is understandable, it is a part of life and what we do when a loved one passes, is so important. Some want and expect everyone to just “move on” and “get over it.” I think this is based on the fear of pain and loss rather than really wanting us to forget.
We may use words less abrupt than dead or died in exchange for passed away, crossed over, and in an effort to add humor – “kicked the bucket” or “bought the farm.” I’m sure there is some great story where these sensitive phrases originated.
When a family member dies, human or canine, there is a loss. That loss can be huge! Since this is a dog blog, I’m going to talk about when a dog dies. When a dog is young and had a dependent personality, it seems to make the transition much more difficult than if they have lived to be 13-15 years-of-age and it’s time. Sudden loss is extremely difficult and for a sweet Spirit who needed us, it can be even more challenging emotionally.
We have the same questions we have with a human death in that we wonder why. We will never know the answer. What we can do is stop and remember them and the life that was shared. To try to forget too soon, doesn’t honor the life that was and in many ways always will be. Memories are forever. (Make good ones!)
Here’s my tribute to a beautiful Dane who had to leave us too soon. He was so afraid of many things in the outside world, but never feared giving or receiving love and affection. You had to smile and laugh at his lack of social graces and his cartoon-like looks and personality. He is a true Gentle Giant that leaves a giant hole on this earth.
