I can’t take credit for writing the following. Since you are reading my blog, chances are you will find some truth in it. . .
From time to time, people tell me, “Lighten up, it’s just a dog,” or “That’s a lot of money for just a dog.” They don’t understand the distance traveled, the time spent or the costs involved for “just a dog.” Some of my proudest moments have come about with “just a dog.” Many hours have passed and my only company was “just a dog,” but I did not once feel slighted.
Usually, when you think of a dog enjoying a breeze on its face, you think of them riding in the car with their head out the window. Some dogs really love it. I can only imagine the 1000’s (that’s a modest number) of scents they are aware of as they stick their muzzle out as far as they can.
In California (and other states) there is a $500 fine if someone reports you for having left your dog in a car. I understand the law was made for those who are inconsiderate or perhaps naive to think that when it is 100 degrees outside, there may be temperatures double that in a closed car - and in a very short period of time. I’m not writing to talk about this; however, maybe it’s a good reminder or information for those who don’t know this law exists or if someone needs a law to prevent them from accidentally endangering their dog. Whether or not this law is necessary year-round is a topic for debate.
This time of year in the desert, there aren’t many places to take your dog where you can have the window down as they ride along feeling the wind in their faces. As I sat in my living room, I witnessed how my dogs also love this experience but they don’t have to leave the comfort of the ottoman to have it! The fan was oscillating and little did I know (until now) how much they enjoy it.
It is often said by dog lovers and advocates that our dogs just want to please us. All they want is for us to be happy and happy with them. There is a lot more to it than this.
I consider myself to be a practical trainer/behaviorist. I do what I do because of my love for animals with my focus being on the understanding and ever-growing knowledge of canine behavior. Personally, my dogs live a grand life. They have nice beds, they respond to commands, they are all now to a stage of wanting to please me. Why? Because they know me, and I know them. It can take years to create this type of relationship. It is worth it.
Pleasing humans is not inherent in a dog’s psyche. Being a member of a pack is. They don’t walk down the street and see a human and think, “oh, there’s a human being, I want them to be pleased with me.” In fact, the opposite may be true! They may have learned that humans are good and will give them food and affection, or they may have a negative association.
Much as it is with humans, respect of a dog is earned. I like to think the feelings are mutual - they respect me, and I respect them. Gaining a dog’s respect only happens when they know you and what to expect from you (this goes both ways).
Now, back to the question…do dogs really want to please us? Yes. Why? They want food, AND they do enjoy our attention and affection and all of the other experiences we share with them.
You may have a dog that has no interest in pleasing you. Some dogs act as though they just don’t care what we think and there is not an ounce of the need-to-please in their body. You can’t train that into them. You can accept their nature and look for ways to connect with them using their natural drive and instinct.
So, whether your dog appears to only want to please you or it never does; it is important to understand what makes them who they are and to be patient with the process.
I have clients, particularly those who have a dog with an unknown past, ask if I think their dog has been abused. One of the definitions given for abuse is misuse. I think it applies adequately to the amazing dogs who share our lives.
Misuse doesn’t feel as strong as abuse. If a dog is left alone in a yard without being socialized adequately, I consider that misuse. A dog in this situation may later appear as though someone had hit it because it becomes afraid of everything that wasn’t a part of its life as it matured. It can tuck its tail and cower when it hears an unfamiliar sound as if it had been hit.
A dog may cower and release their bladder when someone reaches for them as if they had been hit in the past, when really it was misused in the sense that it didn’t learn positive touch as a pup. Some of this behavior can be hard-wired, but a lot of it comes from how they are socialized and the appropriate attention given as they mature.
A high energy dog could be considered misused if it isn’t given a job. That job can come in the form of specific training, appropriate exercise, and/or something like agility training which provides focus, exercise, and structure.
Describing our dogs as having been abused should not be something we coddle or shy away from; rather we should find positive ways to encourage these beings to participate and be in life with a family. Most dogs who have been truly abused have forgotten or lost the ability to be dogs. There’s nothing like another confident dog to show them the way. I often bring a dog of mine to work with timid dogs. He does in minutes what could take me hours.
For as much as we love our dogs, we are humans! We need to spend less time attempting to see their humanness and more time seeing who they are as dogs. They will be much happier and so will we. Every dog is different just as every human is different.
If you think your dog has been misused or you may be contributing to a life of misuse, please contact me. I am glad to provide guidance. The more dogs who are happy dogs with happy humans, the fewer that end up in shelters.
